why i felt so guilty?
have i done something dat make me feel dis way?
why i kept thinking bout something dat i should not think much bout it?
why i kept saying sorry? hoping dat my forgiveness would be accepted..
what make me feel so sinful n sometimes i feel so hurt..
how i'm going to eliminate all dis feeling?
am i too selfish?
am i too harsh in my way of treating others?
have i ever give hope to somebody?
why must me who going to tell the truth of the story?
am i dat bad?
have i ever appreciate others?
why must the ending of a friendship with a new people i know always end with the bad one?
em...too many question accumulating in my mind..until there's no more space for the storage of new questions...my brain centre must be very tired to accept n interpretating all dis new impulses...why can't i control the influx of the questions that is going to pass thru my brain center?the reality is..even i'm trying to do so..i can't...they keep going into..competing each other...overwhelmed my mind..n i've no choice..i jz can let my sensory pathway going properly,wishing that there would be no blockage along the way of transmitting information to my brain stem..huhu...
haish..what actually i'm trying to say?
em..i even dun really know what is playing in my mind now...but,i jz can't keep it anymore..i really need to share it before it's going to burst out n become more chronic...
NOW..the story begins...
recently..i've known with a new person,so called a new friend...
we never know each other before...dis person used to send me friendster testimonial n from dat moment we became friend ..
i think dis have been destined that both of us get to know each other..n our friendship have progressed well when we start to chat..i start to know more about that person thru question n answer session...(like usual..typical question would be concentrate more towards myself n my family n a little bit bout my interest)
almost everyday i've been chatting with da person...even during my exam week...
what make me feel so interesting and sometimes i feel restless without chatting with dat person is dat..i feel so `full' of new things n new knowledge when i chat with dat person...
n i get to learn so many things from dat person..n da most meaningful,...dat person is actually have made me clear bout something dat i've been thinking of before...i almost get da answer..thx to dat person..
but,the progression of our friendship is not like what we expect and what we wish for...
from the moment da person starts to ask me so many question bout da truth of our friendship,I start to feel guilty...everytime i'm trying to tell da truth n explain da real story,da person as if can't accept the reality(or maybe da person can accept..but,after my explaination,da person dun feel like want to accept it..)
is it wrong to tell da truth of da story?
my mind is already full for dis whole tenseful,cramming week(exam week)...
additionally,i've to think all dis new problems...
i just wish dat i can forget all dis things since i've spent all my energy jz to look for the answer..
sometimes i feel,i'm lack of energy already...
i jz can't tell the whole story here as it seems to be quite complicated..
i juz hope dat da person would forgive me...n even da person still can't forgive me..then,jz forget me..i'm sorry..`i really dun expect dat my existance jz make ur life miserable n disappointed..
i never mean so...'
jz now..(few minutes ago..)..da person in my story forgived me...but,i know,i still can't heal da wound left in dat person's' heart..`i jz wish dat u never know me...really sori...'
`but..what i can say here..i hope i still can be friend with u like before,like usual..'
`n thanks for everything.....i really appreciate all ur kindness towards me...'