shooting stars

The Power of Patience

2012-01-11T13:56:00.006+08:00

For the past few months, so many things happened and it taught me a lot
on how to handle my super emotion/super ego.

And, how lucky am I to be in Psychiatry posting now.
It's time to explore myself in depth and of course to change.

I just realized that I fulfilled most of the criteria in psychiatric disorders (except for hallucination,delusion..hehee)..It just that it did not exaggerate to the extent that impairs my functioning(socially,occupation and other areas)

And ya,the easiest way to remember and feel the stories of mental illness
is to experience them yourself..haha.

It was true since I was once diagnosed with anxiety disorder
(i'm not sure what type is it..not of my concern at that time(3 years ago)..
and it became as easy as ABC when u read about anxiety disorder
when u,yourself was diagnosed with it..
That's why, just by listening to the story of psychiatric patient,
u'll gain a lot of information from them!

To me,the most challenging part in psychiatry is history taking.

To listen to the weird, high ambitious, disorganized stories..
n in the end to clarify and list possible diagnosis.

So,let's be patient and listen attentively to them.

And I practice this technique everytime I have conflict or argument with any of my companion.

It worked! It's true that we shouldn't complicate things.

Try our best to simplify them.

Good decision and answer always come from a calm and rational person.

Breath deeply everytime u feel so stressed and panic!

The power of meditation

the questions..

2011-11-19T21:29:00.005+08:00

Questions without answers.

And I'm on my way looking for the answers,which hopefully can lessen
the heaviness & the burden in my heart.

How can I know whether I have put much effort in something I do?

Can I change and determine my fate?

Why is it always me who has been tested such way?

What is the most optimum duration to let myself sad,depressed and frustrated?

Should I listen to my instinct and my paranoid feeling?

How to smile when my heart truly tears apart & broken into pieces?

What is the best way to forget about all my past memories which I shouldn't recall anymore?

How to console myself when I find that everything seems unfair to me?

How to cheer people around me up when I find difficult to cheer myself up?

How to hide my worries and negative emotions when I'm used to them and already known as superemotional woman?

Now,

I can only pray to Allah.

Guide me,give me strength.

Don't let me go astray.

And only You can heal me and answer me.

Answer to a prayer :

1) Yes

2) Not yet

3) I've planned something better for you.

And Allah is the best planner :)

With love,

Mar

9.33pm (home is where my heart is)

bear with me..

2011-10-27T21:14:00.000+08:00

pain

discomfort

nauseated

alone

just listen to me

just try to feel what i feel

just comfort me

assume that i dun need anyone other than you

cause i just need you

don't ask me to look for the remedy

cause i won't

i might seem as a stubborn,childish woman

yes i am

sulking,begging,crying

throwing tantrums

complaining

expressing

superemotional

don't ask me to be patient

cause i've been patient enough to be away from you

don't ask me to be independent

as if i can't stand on my own feet

don't expect me to know everything about my problem

as if i'm the fortuneteller

don't ask me to wait for you

as if i have much time to wait and I hate waiting

don't ask me to understand you

coz i don't even understand myself

i just need u

to bear with me

this is me

the complicated creature

i just need you to keep me cool when i'm complicated..

hey man!

2011-10-27T21:10:00.002+08:00

hey man!

when she said "i hate you"..

it means she needs you badly

when she puts a :( icon while she's texting you,

it means she needs your attention

and please don't ask her why

cause she needs u to console her but not making fun of her!

when she said,"are you free today?"

please don't ask her why.

it means,she wants to meet you.

Don't ask her repeatedly where does she wants to go.

She just wish that you'd bring her somewhere peaceful..

in which she can spend her time with you.

when you are busy with something,

never tell her that you're busy

you are just making her to be mad at you even more.

Hey man!

She just wants you to fight for her.

And please don't ever tell her that she deserves someone better.

You never know the ending until you face the challenges together with her.

Please don't force her to love another person when you are the only person that she loves the most.

And please,

Let her know,if in anyway she made you feel trapped

or suppress your frreedom.

Let her know if you don't love her anymore.

Sincerely,

Brokenhearted woman.

the nature of me

2011-08-18T22:23:00.003+08:00

I always ask myself..

Am i patient & rational enough if I were to face the most critical, unwanted, irritating and terrible situation?

I always wish to be or to act cool when it comes to the above situations.

But,it seems to be impossible.
Cause I'm not and never.

I'm super emotional, dramatic and sarcastic type of person.

I dunno whether it's something to be proud of or to be regret of.

There might be pros and cons of becoming the type of expressive individual.

It crossed my mind to express this thoughts of mine

since I've faced so many circumstances which really challenge my level of patience....

especially this few days...within this hectic, emotional, exhausted week...

One of my friend advised me to be myself.

And not to force myself to turn into someone else who is totally not me.

It made me to think deeper about what he said.

It can be true...cause I am what I am...and if I want to change, starting from me,

and shouldn't be because of others...hurmph.

It can be false too...cause,we have to learn on how to accept

our own mistakes and to learn from it...and finally to change.

In a nutshell,

I dun really agree with the statement of " Just be yourself"

You cannot be yourself all the time.

You have to be flexible, adaptable, rational and positive in anything that u do.

Quote of the day,which really made my day :

The key to survival of any species is adaptability.

you are my inspiration :)

2011-08-18T07:21:00.001+08:00

be with you.

2011-08-16T18:10:00.003+08:00

i'm miss wombat.

and you are my mr lion :)

Thank you for being there whenever I need you.

ILYSM.

berpuasa bukan untuk berpuas

2011-08-05T11:59:00.001+08:00

Mari tingkatkan amal ibadah di bulan Ramadhan yang mulia

Kurangkan tidur

Kurangkan bercakap yang tidak perlu

Kurangkan melantak ketika berbuka puasa

Kerana,

Berpuasa bukan untuk berpuas..:)

pantun comel :

pergi ke pekan bersama Mak Su

kurangkan makan,kurangkan nafsu

antara juadah buatan air tangan cik mardhiah masri :)

jangan terliur ye..

ingat,kawal nafsu :)

selamat hari jumaat..dan salam Ramadhan~

betapa....

2011-08-03T11:35:00.008+08:00

Betapa besarnya nilai wang RM1 jika disedekahkan di surau/masjid

Namun,betapa kecilnya nilai RM1 jika dibawa membeli belah

Betapa lamanya 15 minit ketika sedang menunaikan solat

Namun, terasa sekejapnya 15 minit itu jika sedang menonton wayang

Betapa cepatnya kita menghabiskan helaian novel/majalah kegemaran

Namun, betapa lama dan beratnya kita untuk menyelak helaian
kitab suci, Al-Quran

Betapa mudahnya kita memanjangkan waktu perlawanan bola sepak

Namun, betapa sukarnya kita untuk menerima waktu solat yang dipanjangkan kerana ingin memenuhi waktu itu dengan ceramah/tazkirah/tahlil

Betapa lancarnya dan ghairahnya kita bergosip/mengumpat tentang seseorang

Namun, betapa cepatnya kita bosan untuk bercakap tentang kekuasaan
Al-Quran apatah lagi membacanya

Betapa berusahanya kita untuk mendapat tempat di barisan hadapan ketika menonton konsert

Namun, kita lebih suka duduk di saf belakang apabila menunaikan solat di masjid

MashaAllah.....may Allah guide us...don't let us go astray...

sharing from a tazkirah after Tarawikh at Surau An-Nur

(attracted by his tazkirah...short,brief yet meaningful)

selamat menunaikan ibadah puasa

moga Ramadhan kali ini lebih baik dari sebelumnya..

InsyaAllah :)

open your eyes

2011-07-25T00:18:00.002+08:00

Praise be to Allah.

Open your eyes,heart and mind.

Look for the signs of His Mercifulness,

It's everywhere. :)

Allah The Almighty~

floria-floria

2011-07-24T15:54:00.003+08:00

Ya Allah,terima kasih kerana mengurniakan kami

keindahan ciptaanMu untuk sama-sama

kami nikmatinya :)

dan semuanya sangat

indah!

Subhanallah :)

sehingga berjumpa lagi di floria akan datang :)

klik-klik.

2011-07-24T12:26:00.001+08:00

capturing the moments

the picture won't change

the people or things in the picture will change :)

day to night..

how wonderful it is..

subhanallah :)

autopsy

2011-07-15T13:12:00.002+08:00

alhamdulillah,minggu ni je saya berjaya
observe 4 case autopsy yg menarik &
yg paling penting..minggu ni byk sgt belajar pasal forensik :))
thx everyone!

Tapi,dalam byk2 case,saya masih terbayang2
case suicidal hanging tu...menarik dan ade sesuatu
yg di luar jangkaan berlaku..
haha~(kelakar & rasa sgt innocent setiap kali teringat pasal benda tu)

ni contoh suicidal hanging ye ( dun try this at home) :P

ok,hopefully by next week saya dapat complete semua observation of autopsy :)

insyaAllah.

have a nice day everyone ^____^

i'm full.

2011-07-15T02:01:00.007+08:00

Hello...

Post-dining out @ Full House,Jalan Yap Kwan Seng (nearby KLCC)

Let's see how romantic, cute, yummylicious and innocent our dinner was...:P

no wonder it's called "full house"..anteriorly,it's "full"ed with cars :)

romantic :)

I had my crispy chicken with chips :)

and he had grilled chicken chop :)

the tissue is too cute to be used

(tapi pasunye sudah berkeladak ye di situ..haha)

the journey of full house begins!

some of the cute stuffs there...:)

this is excluded. not cute enough to be "displayed"..lolz~

more of cute stuff...

the cute corner ^___^

Full House, it's really cool. feels like you're HOME. hehehe.

That's all for now..Tada! :)

i'm ok :)

2011-07-13T22:01:00.000+08:00

i feel like....

laughing,crying,shouting?

the red velvet cupcake..yummy~~

cup cake reminds me of you :)

just want to tell you..

and i'm ok :))

slide till you drop :P

2011-07-11T17:30:00.005+08:00

thanks for your guidance..

i'm such a loser rite?haha~

akhirnya dapat jugak i main kat tgh2 sket (walaupun x sehebat u)

nama pun beginner..

tapi,i lagi hebat in archery..lolz~

Thanks for everything..:)

sedih sbb mc flurry mangga da xde :(

what would you do?

2011-07-08T10:49:00.005+08:00

salam,hye everyone.

today is friday & i love friday :)

the day began as usual,went to morning ward round.

hoping for something new,something good,refreshing & praying that our patients in the ward are in their good condition...and be able to be discharged..hehe~

we joined our own team's ward round..

today is totally dramatic,terrific and horrible day for us.

a doctor named **** *a**a..suddenly asked us "did u know that last night our team had oncall?have u seen the patient?! (with her common high note)

with the fierce face, the dr waits for our answer..

we are shocked and speechless...

she suddenly became more angry when one of our group members(she) smiled and told the dr that she didn't know about the oncall.

the rest remained silent and just shaking our head...(with sad expression)

"see,u guys...abes tu,korang wat ape kat ward?!!

x tengok patient, x join oncall...

just follow morning ward round?!!!

dahla!! korang bole blaaaaaaaa~~~~"

she leaved us angrily.

we are astonished,surprised,thunderstrucked....

and all of us...stay silent for a while..looking at each other..

and we decided not to join the ward round for today..

since it will only aggravate her madness.

we leaved the ward with disappointment

there's a bit guilty & we have no idea at all why we've been scolded like that(hahaha)

and our mood has totally ruined by the incident.

but,i tried to console my heart

not to take it seriously..

the dr might just want us to be more passion towards our patient

and she might be used with her style of raising her voice.

BUT,SERIOUSLY..IT'S HURT :)))

OUCH~~~

So,if u were to be scolded in such horrible way,what would you do? :)

i love motivation..it helps a lot in fixing my broken heart~

and that's the best thing to do :))

and never give up,k? :)

fahamilah hati seorang ibu :)

2011-05-24T01:24:00.001+08:00

salam :)

hati ini tergerak untuk menulis di malam hari.

kerna sudah tidak sanggup menyimpannya terbuku di dalam hati

topik kali ini

berkenaan hati..

iaitu hati seorang ibu :)

walaupun saya belum menjadi ibu.

tapi..kerana hampir setiap minit saya mendengar luahan ibu

itu membuatkan saya faham sedikit sebanyak

apa yang setiap ibu inginkan

apa yang setiap ibu rasai..

walaupun kadang2 luahan itu sudah saya dengari sebelum ini

namun..saya sentiasa tunjukkan minat

terhadap segala yg ibu ceritakan pada saya

kerna saya bersyukur

masih ade orang yang ingin menasihati & mengingati saya :)

betapa bersyukurnya saya mempunyai seorang ibu yg sayangkan anak2nya.

mak,saya berbangga dengan kamu

kerna telah membesarkan kami dgn tabahnya..

dan bersabar dgn karenah kami :)

ibu selalu berpesan pada saya

juga anak2 yg lain..

bila sudah berjaya nanti,jangan lupa diri & berbaktilah pada keluarga

dan tolong mereka yg telah membantu kita dulu :)

ingat, di mana pun berada..

jagalah solat..kerana solat itu membentuk peribadi & akhlak kita :)

apabila sudah berkahwin nanti, jadilah isteri/suami yg bertanggungjawab.

nasihat ini nampak agak biasa didengari..

tapi, cukup bermakna..

dan,alhamdulillah...saya tak pernah bosan mendengar nasihat ini..

kerna pinta hati kecil ini...'mak,teruslah ingatkan anakmu ini sebelum aku tidak sempat lagi mendengar nasihatmu nanti '

Ibu hanya satu di dunia ini :)

Doaku semoga Allah beri kekuatan dan kesihatan kepadanya..

Moga ibu tabah selalu

dalam menempuhi segala cabaran :)

Apalah salahnya jika kita lupakan dahulu sakitnya hati kita terhadap kata2 ibu yg mungkin telah melukan hati kita.

Apalah salahnya kita menggembirakan hati ibu..bukannya membuatkan ibu nangis di malam hari kerna terkenangkan sikap kita yg mungkin telah melukakan hatinya...

Apalah salahnya jika kita memahami segala nasihat ibu..dan bukannya masuk telinga kanan...keluar telinga kiri..

Apalah salahnya jika kita berubah demi ibu selagi ia tidak bertentangan dengan syarak.

Apalah salahnya jika kita meminta maaf dengan ibu jika kita telah melakukan kesalahan dengannya :)

Dan sesungguhnya..

antara anak lelaki dan perempuan...

anak lelaki itu bertanggungjawab terhadap ibunya walaupun setelah dia berkahwin.

anak perempuan pula bertanggungjawab terhadap suaminya.

Wahai isteri yg solehah sekalian...ingatkan suamimu agar dia berbakti kepada ibu2 mereka :)

Syurga itu di bawah tapak kaki seorang ibu.

Renung-renungkan & selamat beramal :)

i love you,mom :)

you're beautiful :)

the beginning

2011-05-16T09:54:00.003+08:00

it's only the beginning

no rush

no force

no expectation

i just want to enjoy

every single moments

of being a new person

without depending too much on new hope

without expecting too much from others

i might just don't get it enough previously

now,i want to be as grateful as I can

that's the best thing :)

eliminating the bad deeds..

replacing with positive deeds..

to give my best to the world

to love each of my doings

and

to spread love & happiness to others :)

to change particular old & rigid mind set

which seems to suppress the positive way of thinking

and you..

you...and you...

start acting positively from now on~

cause it'll determine how you gonna be in the future

and how much the world need a person

with dynamic thinker, open-minded, and survivor!

Go!

Prove to the world,you are the one!

Last but not least :

Happy Teacher's Day :)

Every person who teaches, instructs, inspires or leads others, is a teacher.

A good teacher explains. A superior teacher demonstrates. A great teacher inspires

quoted from Prof Oteh Maskon.

realize

2011-04-28T23:35:00.001+08:00

I just hope u'll realize it..

someday :)

the journey of love.

2011-04-01T11:07:00.006+08:00

being dumped.

or the other way round.

common things happen in a relationship between man & woman.

heartbroken.

disappointed.

hatred.

revenge.

upon asking bout reasons..

of why he/she dumped/leaved you?

there's not necessarily be answers.

it's true that everything happened with reasons.

but, certain things can just happen without explanation.

once they declared their love.

love's oath will be made

that they will try to protect their relationship

that they will live together & gonna have a happy family in the end...

but..we are just the weak planner.

and He is the best planner.

In the middle of the love journey,

there will be full of love..happy =)

and sometimes lack of love....sad :(

some can withstand them

and some just can't....hence...

the relationship seems to be ended....

all the memories kept in the bubbles....

then, disappear like sea foam..

why some relationship can stay longer..

and why some ended unexpectedly..

and some just easily come & go?

single is simple.

double is trouble.

to me, both single & double are TERRIBLE.

sick of being the one who has been hurt?

don't you ever think the other parties who hurt you

has no feeling? they have & they might not have.

When one relationship ended..

One will stay single with full of scar left in the heart

hoping someone will come curing the injured heart.

One just can''t live alone.

hence looking for someone to lean their shoulder on.

hoping the new person will be the person who

didn't do the same mistakes like the previous one.

Forgiving

Forgetting

Letting the past goes

without any memories left.

Love is not everything..

But, it seems to be everything to some individual.

but,don't depend too much on love.

Keep praying that the person will love you sincerely.

And love the person wholeheartedly.

Tolerate & considerate between each other.

Keep praying..

That the person you meet now is the one for you...

your soul mate..

Who are we thinking we are..

To know that the person is the right one?

The question will keep playing in my mind till this current moment.

Still looking for the answer.

waiting for the right one to come into my life.

apa kata bintang

2011-03-02T20:24:00.000+08:00

ku tak tahu apa yg terjadi

pada hatiku kini

tak kumengerti

getar ini belum pernah ada

tak pernah kurasakan

selama ini...

Malu..malu...aku mengakuinya

karena aku kini belum dewasa...

Berjuta cahaya datang padaku

menari tanganku

nyanyikan lagu tentangnya

Duhai bintang mungkinkah yg kurasa

apakah sudah saatnya

untukku menyukainya...

sekarang ku sering melamun

juga ku sering bercermin

oh mengapa ini

diam.tipu.

2011-02-18T07:43:00.002+08:00

terdiam.

tak terjawab.

tak mahu disoal.jangan tanya!

hati ini penuh dengan luka.

perlu dirawat.

tipu.

aku dapat lupakan kamu.

tipu.

aku benci kamu.

tipu.

aku lupakan kamu.

jangan begini.

jangan tangisi kisah kita.

jangan..

tak dapat diamkan hati ini

dari terus menangis.

maaf.

terpaksa menipu

yang diri ini bahagia sekarang

hakikatnya.

aku sentiasa

terluka.

alhamdulillah :)

2011-02-12T22:20:00.001+08:00

COMPAQ..gud bye..thx for everything :))

DELL,welcome to my life!

hope we'll be working together to make sure each of

us gained what we want :)

Thx a bunch to mr NMA for accompanying me ^^

Take home message :
Bring along ur friends/family members
( preferrably those who are knowledgable in gadget things )
if u r deciding on buying any kinds of gadget ^__^
Buy things wisely & think before u buy :))

the victim

2011-01-28T11:57:00.000+08:00

why everything seems to be so unfair ?

being the victim of circumstances.

being punished in such "unacceptable" way..

no toleration..no sympathy..no even second chance!

why must the person be me?

even that's not totally my fault!

ONLY because I've irritated ONE person.

even my closest person

not even affected or

complained of any of my so-called inherited/genetically misbehaviour.

why are you kept throwing and chasing people away from you

just because you think you deserve to live peacefully

have you ever think bout us?

do you know that we have the right to live "normally" too?

laughing, chatting & discussing!

girls are very synonym with gossipping & buzzing anyway.

Why don't you be a little bit realistic?

Why don't you put yours in our shoes for a moment?

Why don't you understand our desires?

I know not all of our wantings are right or allowed by law.

But, we knew our limitations.

we are adult enough.

To differentiate the good and the bad deeds.

I totally disagree!

To live in such prisoner in a mute way.

Not even be able to make myself happy.

Felt like being observed 24/7...

Even worse than that.

I agree in some ways.

Rules are meant to be broken.

So that those authorities have job to punish the faultfinder

They can show their power

That only them can make decision

without consideration...

I don't afraid of this fake and temporary law!

I don't afraid of you,people!

who in some ways have turned my life

to be miserable and pathetic.

Good job.

Give an applause :)

Good bye to the hell building(sorry to say)

I'll leave even without your instruction. :)

I don't cry because of stupid things.

I won't allow those people ruining my life again.

Thank you Allah.

For this test.

You want me to be stronger.^__^

C'mon...cheer up! :)

never lose hope..

2011-01-04T07:50:00.000+08:00

Hope is a precious commodity.

It fuels our drive.

It gives us the courage

to continue through any struggle.

Hope gives us the desire to face

another day, to strive & to overcome

it's challenges and work for new ones.

Hope gives us glimpses of tomorrow,

of the possibilities that lie in our future

and of the paths we need to travel.

Hope lightens our steps when the

road is strewn with obstacles,

and helps us decide on our route.

Hope puts a smile on our face

and a glimmer in our eyes.

Hope let's us see love as it blooms.

Never lose faith in your abilities,

trust the instincts you have inside,

they will guide you through your journey.

And always have hope.

Always look to the future.

Always believe that the best is out

there for you to find.

Never lose your hope.

Never lose the faith you have in

who you are.

Because with that faith in yourself,

lies the essence of your hope.

please...

2011-01-04T07:04:00.005+08:00

please

dun cry because of me

stop blaming me

stop hurting me

it'll bring no solution at all

please

stop pushing me

stop calling me

just let me be

with my own world

there's no more hope for us

there's no more space for u in my heart

my heart's already broken into pieces

i had enough

with what u've done to me

u almost humiliate me

almost..

please

forget bout me

there's no use to keep hating

& hurting

there's no use to provoke me

coz it'll bring no effect to me

coz I only afraid of Allah.....

please

stop judging me

stop telling me what I should do

stop guessing of what I've done.

coz only Allah deserves to know all of them

Sorry for everything

You and I

are just not meant to be together

just accept this

as Allah's fate...

May Allah give strength to us

May Allah protects us

May Allah guides us to His way

Allah loves you more than what u expected

You shouldn't stop other people from being happy.

everyone deserves to be happy.

Find happines by getting closer to Allah.

I'm sorry.
I dun trust you anymore.

you dun always get what you want
but,you have to have faith & patience
Time will work it out...
always keep the faith..

post long case :))

2010-12-29T00:57:00.005+08:00

alhamdulillah..

selesai sudah.

mcm mane long case td,mar syg?

ok2 saja.alhamdulillah. :)

sekarang..mahu fokus untuk perkara mendatang.

perkara-perkara yg ingin saya lakukan :

1) Masa utk diri sendiri : rehat,blogging ( i love blogging ), makan! & of course this is tawakal phase. keep praying for previous long case n upcoming short case!

2) Masa utk org2 tersayang : balek umah dis weekend!! miss u mom,adek2! mahu keluar! tengok movie :) makan mknn kegemaran kami ^^ i'm food lover..yeah~~

3) Masa utk mereka : mau settle kerja2 berkaitan dinner kolej dlm tahun 2010 yg hanya tinggal berapa hari saje nih.huhu...keep praying that everything's going smoothly during college dinner..insyaAllah =)

4) Masa utk photoshoot ! awak,jom photoshoot lagi :)

tempat target : padang UPM, sunway lagoon, broga hill, putrajaya.

ok,jom panjat broga hill lg :)

kat semenyih je.

sape yg x kenal semenyih tu,xley naik broga hill.hehehe~~

pre long case :)

2010-12-27T01:53:00.004+08:00

insyaAllah,selasa ni..

ade long case exam

with dr Rabani..

moga segalanya berjalan lancar

moga diingatkan mane2 yg saya lupe

moga ilmu yg dipelajari selama ni tersemat kemas di dalam minda

mengalir bersama aliran darah :)

time to organize my thought!

gud luck buat kwn2 yg lain jugak!

enjoy ur long case :))

have fun!

mari baca buku :)

deeply in love with medicine.

the precious, priceless knowledge ever.

this is for you,friends....

2010-12-25T11:29:00.007+08:00

They love you

but they are not your lover

They care about you

but they are not from your family

They are ready to share your pain

but they are not in your blood relation

They are

FRIENDS!!

True friend

scolds like a dad..

cares like a mom..

teases like a sister...

irritates like a brother...

and finally loves you more than a lover..

Thank you,friends :))

I'm not alone anymore.

You don't have to feel alone.

Coz Allah is always by your side =))

painkiller..

2010-12-25T05:01:00.005+08:00

dad..

i couldn't sleep right now.

u know,i never feel so sad like this..

i just being scolded by someone.=(

dad..

i really need a strength..

i'm easily became sensitive

just bcoz of little things

eg ?

a small2 thing...

i want to be cared & be loved.

i'm grateful coz whenever i'm alone..

there's always families n frends around...

dad....

i'm in pain.

they r in pain.

how i wish i can relieve my pain & their pain

it's more painful when u know that

people u used to love & the person who really love u

now is hating u....

only Allah knew how's the feeling like

dad...

am I a good daughter?

have i ever hurt u before?

i hope i've been a good daughter to u....

dad....

i really need a painkiller

without causing further ulceration

i need a safe painkiller

i want them to be happy

n of course

i want to be happy

coz,u knew how's my face when I'm crying,rite?

I still remember the moment u persuade me

everytime after i've been scolded by u

bcoz of my bad attitude...

now...

I need to be strong

I need to treat this pain

with all my strength

not to be too dependent on

any painkiller....

I need to move on....

i just want to be loved sincerely..

dad, i love u,miss u =)

sometimes

2010-12-10T14:23:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I wish I knew exactly what I wanted.

Sometimes I wish I knew myself more.

I spend so much time just trying to understand,

that in the end,

time is wasted and

still, I can't fully comprehend.

Decisions I've made that I don't fully regret,

yet still wonder what it would be like

If it were taken back.

I have faith

but sometimes I wonder,

is this our fate?

For I wonder where we are heading

our slow-moving frame

against the speeding

train.

Sometimes I wish I could read your mind

that I could explore your deepest labyrinths

secrets carried over time

I know there is a lot

of you

I don't know.

Sometimes the silence kills me

like an old decaying tree,

groaning in the forest

still, but restless.

I wish you could read me

yet

I know I still don't quite read you.

Like a scar on my skin

a line that tells a story

a beautiful mark,

thin.

I hope I am not blind

this time.

Sometimes I wish we could sail away

in a little sailboat shooting the stars

light years away away away..

I guess what I am trying to say

is I wish we could speak a thousand words

free

fluent

true;

something more than just

what you see around you.

Can you see the horizon?

Reach there together,

as one.

Sometimes I wonder what life would be

without you

I know I'll miss you.

From : colourofmoon

if only I knew which junction should I take

I won't wait here wasting up my time

the road I'm going to choose made all the difference

penghibur hati

2010-12-10T10:30:00.000+08:00

cuba kalian letak mouse pada mana2 sudut,

ikan ni akan ikut anda

memang comel

tapi,sayang

x dpt bg makanan

sori ye,ikan =.=

hati saya memang fragile

2010-12-07T15:39:00.000+08:00

Mar,

Hati kamu tu fragile sangat2

Mudah berpaling arah

Klau istilah englishnya, undecided/tak firm

Mudah berubah perasaan

Mudah tukar personaliti

Senang kata hipokrit lah!

ya..

Hati ini memang fragile

Inginkan sesuatu yang memenuhi keinginan hatiku

Yang indah,yang perfect

Perfectionist!

Tapi,dengar sini wahai hati2 mereka yg pernah kulukai..

Aku susun jari minta maaf

Minta ampun kerna kalian perlu tahu

semua yg berlaku tak dirancang

tak seperti yg kuinginkan

Kerna aku terlalu menjaga hati yg fragile ini

supaya hatiku ini sentiasa dihargai

tanpa kusedar ku telah lukai hati mereka

Tanpa pernah menghiraukan perasaan mereka

"kau hanya tahu menjaga hatimu.

Hati ini?

Pernah kau fikir?"

Aku bingung

Aku letih

Kerana kalian benci denganku

kerana merasakan dunia membenciku

Kerana aku tetap dengan egoku

Kerana aku punya hati yg keras

Kerana aku telah melukai hati kalian

Hati ini takkan tenang

Ya Allah...lembutkan hati ini..

Hindarilah aku dari praasangka buruk org lain terhadapku..

Jagalah hati ini....

Pandulah aku....ke jalanMu Ya Allah....

Let's Purify Our Heart!

2010-11-29T15:09:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulillah...

I wanna share some info I gained from a slot during Mukhayyam Khoriji 2 days ago..

It's about Tazkiyatun Nafs ( Muhasabah Penyucian Jiwa )

"Bila hati keras seperti kerasnya batu-batu,

padahal antara batu-batu itu

sungguh ada yang mengalir sungai daripadanya..

Antaranya,ada yang terbelah

lalu keluarlah mata air daripadanya..

Sungguh ada yang meluncur jatuh..

Kerana TAKUT kepda Allah..."

Batu itu diimplikasikan sebagai hati manusia yang keras

Tapi,dengan kehadiran air(diibaratkan sebagai iman)

batu akan menjadi lembut...

Hati akan lembut dalam menerima kehadiran iman dalam hati...

jika kita selalu menyucikan hati....dengan "air"(iman)

Hati yang keras boleh dilembutkan dengan iman yang tegar

Namun,jika kita tetap dengan ego dan terus menafikan iman dan

tidak mahu menerima pelembut hati,hati kan makin keras....

Berikut adalah tanda-tanda hati menjadi keras :

1) Malas beramal & melakukan kebaikan :

"Mereka tidak mengerjakan solat,melainkan dengan malas dan tidak pula menafkahkan harta mereka pada jalan Allah "

(Surah At-Taubah : 9:54)

2) Tidak tersentuh dengan ayat Al-Quran & nasihat :

"Maka,berilah peringatan dengan Al-Quran kepada orang yang takut dengan ancamanku"

(Surah Qaaf : 50:45)

3) Tidak tersentuh dengan ujian & peristiwa penting :

"Dan tidaklah mereka(orang munafiq), memerhatikan bahawa mereka diuji sekali atau dua kali setiap tahun, kemudian mereka tidak juga bertaubat & tidak pula mengambil pelajaran.

(Surah At-Taubah : 9:126)

4) Lebih cinta dunia daripada akhirat :

Katakanlah, " Jika bapak-bapakmu, anak-anakmu, saudara-saudaramu, istri-istrimu, keluargamu, harta kekayaanmu, perdagangan yang kamu khuwtirkan, dan rumah-rumah tempat tinggal yang kamu sukai, lebih kamu cintai daripada Allah dan Rasulullah SAW serta berjihad di jalanNya, maka tunggulah sampai Allah memberikan keputusanNya" Sungguh Allah tidak memberi petunjuk kepada orang-orang yang fasik.

(Surah At-Taubah : 9:24)

5) Kemaksiatan berantaian

"Pantaskah kami memperlakukan orang-orang yang beriman dan mengerjakan kebajikan sama dengan orang-orang yang berbuat kerosakan di bumi?

Atau pantaskah Kami menganggap orang-orang yang bertaqwa sama dengan orang yang jahat?"

(Surah Shaad : 38 : 28)

Moga kita sama-sama muhasabah diri masing-masing tentang perkara-perkara di atas yang boleh mengeraskan hati...

Moga kita sentiasa berada di bawah perlindunganNya...

Sama-sama sucikan hati :)

wahai hati..

2010-11-29T14:48:00.000+08:00

Wahai hati..

Tidak pernah sunyi dari dugaan

Kekadang terasa sunyi sekali

Kerna fitrahnya..

aku memerlukan

seseorang yang selalu menyayangiku

secara ikhlas

secara konsisten

bukan insan yang suka mengambil kesempatan terhadapku

Hati ini...

terlalu rapuh

Mudah berderai dan tercalar

Setiap kali teringat kata-katamu

yang sungguh menusuk itu

Hati ini pedih

Hati ini menangis

Walaupun aku gembira di luarannya

Hati ini

sudah tawar

sudah tiada perasaan

namun

tanpa disedari..

cinta hadir lagi

tanpa keinginanku

tanpa pintaku

Aku takut

untuk membuka hati ini

kepada cinta yang lain

Takut hati akan

terluka lagi

Dan..aku takut

aku akan melukai hati orang lain lagi

membaca sajakmu,

yang memang nyata lagi jelas

kau tujukan padaku

berbaur simpati dan sinis

di sebalik sajak kamu

aku tahu

kamu menyalahkanku

Namun...

pernah kau fikir dan dalami perasaan ini?

Pernah kau beri peluang kepada diri ini

untuk membuka diari baru?

untuk membersihkan hatiku?

untuk mengenali erti cinta yang sebenarnya..

Kau belum cukup mendalami hati ini

Kau belum layak untuk mengatakan kau betul2 mengenaliku

Kau tidak layak untuk memiliki hati yang sudah tercalar ini

Selamanya

hati ini sudah tertutup buatmu

Sekiranya ditakdirkan kita bertemu kembali

aku berjanji akan bertemumu sebagai insan baru

yang tidak pernah kukenali sebelum ini

Kerna cukup perit untuk aku ingat kembali kisah kita

Cukuplah..

Cukuplah...

kau menuduhku...

Cukuplah kau berprasangka terhadapku...

Aku punya alasan tersendiri

Aku ingin ruang aku sendiri

Berikan aku kebebasan

Berikan aku peluang

Untuk merawat hati yang terluka ini....

Semoga kita memperoleh petunjuk dariNya.....

Let Me Be

2010-10-20T15:36:00.000+08:00

I want to be free

For this time only

Let me choose my pathway

I dun want to follow ur way

This is my life.

That's it!

Empty.

Lonely.

But,I'm Happy...:))

And..

I'd be happier.

If you stop messing up my mind.

Stop calling.

Stop hoping.

Since you are the one who give no hope

to us.

And...please.

I'm a woman

with fragile heart.

Please.Don't ever break my heart.

From now on.

Seems like there's no hope

to return to what we used to be

Seems like it tangled with so many things

Complicated

Just let it go.

I want to be happy.

Coz I deserve and I have the right to be happy.

And I want u to be happy too.

What do you believe in?

What do you hope for?

What do you love?

my heart is empty.

leave me alone.

bye everyone. :)

2010-08-06T13:36:00.000+08:00

ok,saya mahu bercuti.

kali ini ke kuala terengganu.

jgn bimbang,saye pergi x lame.cume 2 ari.

thx to salmi..

for let me stay in ur house.

insyaAllah,kami akan meneroka bandar Terengganu sama2..:)

yang pasti..

saya mau sangat pulang ke kampung halaman tempat saye membesar,

Kg Raja Baran

sekolah yg saya sayangi,

SMK Sultan Sulaiman

pantai Terengganu yg menjadi tarikan pelancong..

saya harap

pemergianku ke terengganu kali ini

sedikit sebanyak

dapat memberi ketenangan jiwa

kepada kesedihan,gundah,resah

yg mungkin tersimpan dlm hati

yg degil utk keluar dari kotak hati ini

selamat tinggal kalian.

saya pasti merindui kamu semua!

nantikan kedatangan kami,terengganu :))

kenangan bersama nirah syg & nenek di masjid kristal suatu ketika dulu :))

saya sgt rindu pantai..:D

jom main kejar2 ngan kambing..hoho~~

pusing2 bandar terengganu...mari naik bas ganu kite~~ :D

towards healthier lifestyle :)

2010-06-25T17:02:00.000+08:00

ok,saye mau realisasikan impian saye!!

diet : eat moderately,one scoop of rice per day only.eat more protein than carbohydrate...

slowly,reduce amount of rice n for absolute and faster result of losing my weight,i need to stop carbohydrate intake..but,this one really need sacrifice n motivation...lastly,ACTION!!!

drink more plain water!!!

exercise : 3 times per week...interval pattern...run then walk....but dun abruptly stop after running..it might give a shock to ur hormone that is released during ur exercise....esp:adrenaline..lactate...

aerobic : insyaAllah,i'll join aerobic organised by PPUKM..every monday n wednesday...

for 1 hour n 30 minutes...it'd be good for ur cardio as well as for ur calorie burning..

sleep : sleep well...at least 6-7 hours per day...:) i think i dun have problems with dis(except if i've oncall)huhuhu....

and the most important amongst all of dis:

PASSION+BE CONSTANT+EXTRAORDINARY DESIRE=--->>YOU'LL GET THE GOOD RESULT OF WHAT U WANT!---> IDEAL WEIGHT..

i just love the sky! ^^

2010-06-23T20:45:00.001+08:00

i just miss so much singapore!

even it's only a 7 days trip,but i'll never forget the beautiful moment there.

insyaAllah,if God's will,i'll be there again..wanna visit my beloved grandma,uncles,aunties n my beloved cousins..:)

and i just love sky~~
and i love to eat too!

owh...this is so tempting..yup,really delicious!

sup tulang,should be eat together with France bread.slurrp!

thumbs up to Aunty Non for her marvellous spaghetti!

thx Uncle Jani for treating us with mamak murtabak!

n so many other food! :))

this little girl...was so cute! i love kids! they are usually very sincere & natural during their posing in photography :)

hope i can spend my weekends for photography shoot...
the sky is just awesome n fascinating & really made my day..^^

anyone want to join me?

The Sky flyers..It's a must-ride-must-try! u can enjoy beautiful scenery just from the small bullet view..!!really amazing!

for more pictures from my visit to singapore last month,do visit my flickr:

I walk in life the way I am

2010-06-18T19:27:00.000+08:00

While searching for pictures,my eyes stopped at this poem..take a look,reading slowly..I find it special in the sense that I feel a calmness from inside after I read it....:)

By Peter S. Quinn

I walk in life the way I am

Sometimes strong and sometimes weak

I have my happy hours too

Some are like those you might seek

I hope everybody finds their way

That's the purpose for being here

Different goals we might find out

Coming from distance everywhere

I walk in life with love and care

It's the way we all should do

Sorrows and joys we might share

So come and join by being you

We walk in life unperfectly

For nothing is too absolute

Take a look from inside me

There may lay your different route

I hope everybody finds their way

And joy with dreams they share

For tomorrow is another day

I hope I'll be finding you there

yes,i can!

2010-06-18T00:33:00.000+08:00

Ten things I want to do for this very first posting in my new year :

1)Be happy. Promise myself not to be disappointed or sad of the past memories.

2)Be a good example and a good `teacher' to others. I'll guide and help my new friends in my O&G posting as best as I can!

3)Be an active learner.Ask others when I dunno and answer confidently when I knew the answer.

4)To be humble in any manner. That's the best way of living...live moderately but contributing to others at the same time.

5)Eat rice once a day.Reduce amount of rice intake & drink more plain water.

6)Regular exercise & healthy lifestyle...at least jogging/gym 3 times per week.

7)To cut down time spent on facebook/any social networks.

8)To cut down money spent on unuseful things. No more window shopping during weekend unless u really need it!Start saving money from now on for my future(to get marry) hehe...:)

9)To study constantly and efficiently.To polish up my knowledge and improve my study skills.Study for at least 4 hours per day.

10)To be a medical student with good personality who treat patients,doctors and everyone holistically.

jika kau dan aku......

2010-02-23T19:06:00.000+08:00

Salam...

Terbaca satu post dari saudara Muhammad Arrabe' ....sungguh menyentuh hati...

Mari sama-sama mencari ketenangan hati :)

~ jika kau berasa lelah & tak berdaya dari usaha yg seperti sia2..

ALLAH tahu betapa kuat kau sudah berusaha..

~ketika kau sudah menangis sekian lama & hatimu masih terasa pedih..

ALLAH sudah menghitung air matamu..

~jika kau fikir bahawa hidupmu sedang menunggu sesuatu & waktu berlalu begitu sahaja..

ALLAH sedang menunggu bersama-samamu..

~ketika kau berasa sendirian & teman-teman tiada dsampingmu,

ALLAH sentiasa ada dsisimu..

~jika kau fikir bahawa kau sudah berusaha sesungguhnya & tak tahu apa hendak dilakukan,

ALLAH mempunyai jawapannya.

~ketika segalanya menjadì sesuatu yang tak masuk akal dan kau merasa amat tertekan,

ALLAH bsamamu utk menenangkn mu,

~jika kau tiba-tiba dapat mlihat jejak-jejak harapan,
sebenarnya ALLAH sedang berbisik kepadamu,

~ketika sesuatu berjalan lancar dan kau ingin mengucapkan syukur,

ALLAH sudah pun memberkatimu,

~jika sesuatu yg indah terjadi dan kau dpenuhi ketakjuban,

ALLAH akan tersenyum padamu,

~ketika kau memiliki tujuan untuk dipenuhi dan mimpi untuk dgapai,

ALLAH sedang membuka matamu dan memanggilmu dgn namamu...

renung-renungkan....dan selamat beramal...(nada prof izzi yg comel :D)

Subhanallah......nilah salah satu cara memperoleh ketenangan hati...dengan melihat dan menghayati alam semesta yg indah ciptaan Illahi...

(hehe...nasib bek sempat snap gmbr awan ni....) i love dis! ^__^

New Image!!

2010-02-21T16:13:00.000+08:00

Salam....

Welcome to my new image blog ^__^

To all my dear frends,i'll update my blog after finishing my exams..insyaAllah :)

good luck to all 3rd year medical students for our exam!!

all the best :)

saya masih......

2010-02-12T11:26:00.000+08:00

saya masih sayang kamu

walaupun kamu benci saya.

saya masih ingat kamu.

walaupun kamu sudah lupakan saya..

saya masih akan membuktikannya.

walaupun kamu cuba menafikannya.

saya masih di sini.

walaupun kamu takkan kembali.

dan saya masih seperti dulu

walaupun kamu sudah berubah

dan...saya masih.......saya.

terima kasih atas segalanya....................

i just hope..

2010-01-19T19:52:00.000+08:00

i'm tired already

thinking bout you

looking for you

keep wondering,

keep guessing

how are you doing right now.....

i just hope

i can forget bout you

so that

i can stop searching for you

finally stop thinking bout you....

coz i shouldn't think bout you......

what happen to me?.....i just don't know.....

i just hope.....but i just can't......:(

what if....

2010-01-18T23:48:00.001+08:00

salam...

i realized that sometimes my life and mybe our life are full of unexpectancies.....unpredictable "what if"....always play in my mind....yet NO answer....

all the "what if" below may and may not related to me and how bout u??....

what if...

the people u admire secretly finally found out about u?

what if...

the person u really love turn up to be ur enemy ?

or the people u hate so much turn up to be ur soulmate or maybe ur partner?

what if..

u r not going to live longer?and u r not going to fulfill ur aim/ur dreams?

what if...

the person u respect and inspire so much betray and disappoint u in any manner?

what if..

u r not meant to be like what u r expecting for?

what if..

the person u love and care so much leaves the world at the time u really need them?

what if....

whatever in ur minds or in ur dreams seemed to be happened to you??

whether it's a good or bad one...

what if....

u suddenly loss all of ur memories.....

and it was impossible for u to recover and to reminisce all the memories??

what if....

u suddenly find out that ur best friend(he/she) is actually has a crush on u?

what if...

the people u love silently is actually have the same feeling towards u too?

(u may find it out in any way)

what if....

u wrote a story/note/diary about a person...and out of the blue,the person in ur story realized that u r writing bout her/him???

some of u may not bother/care bout dis...

BUT,i care bout dis.....huuuhuhhu~~~~~

p/s : persoalan-persoalan yg sempat ku coretkan dalam blog ni...

setakat yg termampu dari kotak ingatanku.....

ok,enjoy every moments of ur life!!

peace!! ^_*

what if??

mereka buatku tersenyum....

2010-01-18T15:54:00.000+08:00

salam...

Pada sabtu lps,16 jan 2010...saye tlh menyertai program Khidmat Kesihatan Di Kg Pasir,Hulu Klang...Ade satu lagi group yg menjalankan khidmat kesihatan di AU2,Hulu Klang...KAMI berada di 2 tempat yg berlainan tp objektif kami sume adalah sama!! ^_^

Secara ringkasnya,antara aktiviti-aktiviti yg kami adakan adalah :

a) Pemeriksaan kesihatan penduduk Kampung Pasir seperti Body Mass Index,Blood Pressure Monitoring,Blood Glucose Monitoring n Blood Grouping...

b)Counselling session by consultant..

c) dan ade juge ruangan pameran kesihatan.....

Program ni dianjurkan oleh pihak DUN Hulu Klang dengan kerjasama Persatuan Mahasiswa/i Fakulti Perubatan(PERSIAP) serta tdk dilupakan kpd barisan organisasi EAMSC melibatkan para pelajar perubatan dari UKM dan juga pelajar-pelajar delegasi dari pelbagai negara cthnye Taiwan,Hong Kong,Japan,Korea,Thailand,Singapore,Indonesia,Filipina, dan ade juge yg dtg dari Palestin!!

Memang seronok berjumpe ngan mereka semua ni!! hehehe~~~

Selain tu,penduduk kampung di Kg Pasir ni juge sporting2 n ramah2 belaka!!

Thx to all of u!!

what a wonderful breakfast,lunch and tea we had there!yummy!

Pengalaman yg sungguh manis...x bisa kulupakan... :))

blood grouping+blood glucose monitoring...

peace~~~~

3 girls vs 3 boys :P

here are some of the delegates who involved in dis program

together we unite!! nice to meet all of u!^^

Kesimpulannye,mmg seronok join program mcm ni bersama2!

selain dpt berkhidmat kpd masyarakat,di samping tu dpt berkenalan ngan kwn2 baru!^^

hidup perlu ceria2 selalu!! ^_^

bangkit!

2010-01-15T21:39:00.000+08:00

tik tik tik...

waktu berlalu..

ku hitung-hitung

hanya tinggal berapa kerat masa saja lagi

untukku berperang

ke medan perjuangan

untuk membela nasib diri,keluarga,bangsa dan agama

tapi,kenapa kau masih berada di situ?

berdiam diri

melengah-lengah

tanpa berbuat apa-apa..

seolah-olah masa tak bisa berjalan

bangun!!

sudah tidak banyak masa lagi.

jangan harapkan mimpi indah lagi

tinggalkan imaginasi

kembali ke dunia nyata!!

realitinya....hakikatnya.....

kamu sudah tidak banyak masa lagi...

gunakan cebisan masa ini....

gapai segala matlamat kamu

walaupun hanya dengan cebisan masa ini

ia lebih bernilai daripada mikrocebisan...

apa tunggu lagi??

bertindak!

masa takkan berulang lagi

nanti apakan terjadi kalau malang menimpa dahulu

baru nak terngadah?

baru nak mengorak langkah?

sudah terlambat.....

mari mengorak langkah sekarang!

setapak demi setapak......

mari menuju kejeyaan...:)

hmm.....

sekadar ingatan utk diri sendiri dan kwn2........

Ya Allah,kurniakanlah aku semangat baru.......:)

mari berusaha!

gambatte,mardhiah :)

insyaAllah.....

2010-01-11T14:21:00.000+08:00

salam 'alayk....

terasa ingin mengupdate blog yg sudah lame x terupdate dek kerana kesibukan yg x dpt dihalang.

tibe sudah mase utk meluahkan isi hati yg sudah ingin meletup.

menyedari diri yg tidak dpt memendam sesuatu perkara terlalu lama.....bloglah tempat utk meluahkan perasaan yg terbuku ini...

sejak kebelakangan ni,almost everyday saye mendengar lagu-lagu maher zain yg cukup indah...esp the meaning of the songs....ingin saye share one of the meaning of his song yg cukup bermakna pada diri ini......:)

Everytime you feel like you cannot go on...

You feel so lost and that you're so alone...

All you see is night..

And darkness all around..

You feel so nervous you can't see which way to go...

Don't despair and never loose hope...

Coz Allah is always by your side...

InshaAllah...

You'll find your way...

Every time you can make one more mistake...

You feel you can't repent...

And that it's way too late...

You're so confuse...

Wrong decisions you have made...

Haunt your mind and you heart is full of shame...

Don't despair and never loose hope...

Coz Allah is always by yourside...

InshaAllah...

You'll find your way...

Turn to Allah...

He's never far away...

Put your trust to Him...

Raise your hands in pray...

Ya Allah...

Guide my steps don't let me go astray...

You're the only one to show me the way...

Show me the way...

Ya,Allah....show me the right guidance...